


How to Save a Life

by GalacticKookie



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, Logan centric, Logangst, Set after Selfishness vs Selflessness, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 21:58:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18432917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalacticKookie/pseuds/GalacticKookie
Summary: He was done.He was done dealing with feelings.Done with everything.He needed out.





	How to Save a Life

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so so so sorry for this! It was on my mind so I had to write it but hoooo boy it's an angst fest. I'm sorry my boyyyyy I love you Logan!  
> Warnings: Suicide  
> Good luck  
> (Title taken from How to Save a Life by The Fray)

He was done. 

He was done dealing with feelings. Done dealing with friends who said they cared but they clearly _didn’t_ _cause if they did, he would’ve been in the last video._ Done with dealing with the lies he was told to keep him happy. He couldn’t take it. He knew they knew that he could see through the lies. And they didn’t care. He was done rationalizing with himself that he was needed, he was done caring. He was just done, **_done, D O N E._** He didn’t care if they would miss him. He was done trying to help. Why would he even try anymore when they were just going to brush him off like he wasn’t important too? That was a pattern that was starting to get old. They didn’t care what he thought. And so, he was done. Maybe when he was gone, then they’d appreciate him. 

He knew they were going to come after him and try to get him to stop even though they didn’t actually  _ care _ , so he tried to come off as inconspicuous during the day while at night, he planned and planned, working himself to the point of exhaustion. Everything needed to be  _ perfect _ . Everything was going well, exactly as he wanted. He took everything he learned from when the other two tried to do this same exact thing. Except this time, it wouldn’t be the same. It was going to work. They would never find him. He pretended he was fine. Smiled when they said something nice, laughed when they said something funny that he understood. He forced himself to do this no matter how bad he was hurting on the inside. Just so they would never suspect what was going on. They would never know what happened. Ever.

Once his eyebags started becoming noticeable, he learned how to hide them. Foundation was truly wonderful. Made everything much easier for him. Of course, that didn’t stop the others checking up on him with fake concerns that he could see right through. Every single time he would smile and say “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” He knew eventually that those lies would catch up with him, but he didn’t care. Maybe then if he kept that up, they’d be so scared they’d have to listen to him.

No. That wouldn’t happen. He would be gone before that would happen. He promised himself that he would only ever go to that length if all else failed. Though the thought of someone actually listening was very appealing. No, it  _ won’t happen. This has to work. _ He didn’t know what he would do if it didn’t.

More than once, **_he_** would try to ruin his plan. The only one who really could, he guessed. **_He_** cared too much, and he cared not enough. At least, that’s what he told himself. He didn’t admit it, but he knew deep inside he really did care, he cared just enough. What he cared too much about was **_him_** _._ And he wouldn’t let **_him_** ruin everything. He had to get out. _He had to get out._

Slowly, his plan fell into place. It was perfect. His already bland room became a blank slate. The clothes he had acquired from them all slowly disappeared, apart from the pair he was wearing. It’s not like any of them went into his room anyway. None of them cared that much. He did spend too much time writing a note to  **_him_ ** _.  _ He eventually gave up on that. None of them deserved anything from him. This was their fault. It wasn’t like he wanted to leave, but they were forcing him to. A short note would suffice, he guessed. Short and to the point. Explain what happened and why. Leave it on the desk where they would find it if they ever looked. 

After a final conversation with the others, he decided it was time for him to go. If he stayed any longer, he wasn’t sure he would be able to go through with the plan. They had been his family whether he liked to admit it or not for his entire life. It would be hard enough leaving. Better not make it worse by waiting a few more days. He had to go through with it now.

Fabricating a lie for where he would be was easy. It was a beautiful night, and it was quite well known that he liked space. So he just explained he was going to read a book and stargaze. It was easily accepted. It wasn’t like anybody was suspecting what was going to happen. At least, he didn’t think anybody did, at least not yet. And that made it the perfect time to leave. He made sure not to look back as he stepped out the door.

Making his way through the mindscape took a while. He wanted to make sure they wouldn’t find him. He didn’t want them to grieve. He was here to get himself out, not to hurt them. Though it had crossed his mind. He wanted to say they deserved to feel bad. But they didn’t. Not like this. So he searched for the most inconspicuous place. Somewhere where they wouldn’t think to look. And eventually, after searching, he found it.

Sitting down and taking out the small pistol he had taken from one of their rooms, he looked it over. He knew it was loaded, he had checked it multiple times. Taking a deep breath was enough to calm the nerves that he did have. Raising the gun up to his head, he leaned back and looked up towards the stars. They would be the last thing he saw. Tightening his finger on the trigger, he closed his eyes and pulled.

-

“Has anyone seen Logan? It feels like we haven’t seen him in forever.”

“I haven’t seen him.”

“Neither have I.”  
Roman, Patton, and Virgil were sat around the table after eating breakfast, two days after Logan had left. Everything seemed different. The volume was about the same, but things didn’t seem right. It was like something was missing.

“I should go get him. Maybe he came home during the night and is still sleeping.”  
Patton got up from the table, pushing in his chair. His brows were furrowed in worry. He missed his friend. He slowly made his way up the stairs, knocking on Logan’s door. After getting no response, he knocked a little harder. “Logan?”

When he got no response from that either, he opened the door. There was nothing there. It was like Logan had never existed. The only thing that even alluded to someone’s existence in the tiny room was a small note sat on the desk. Patton picked it up and began to read as tears fell down his face.

“ _ If you’re reading this now, it will mean that I am already gone. Save your tears, Thomas needs you. I am not needed. I have left. Please do not try to find me. If you must know why, it is because as I stated, I am not needed. You three will do fine on your own. Goodbye. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Logic (Logan Sanders)” _


End file.
